Somewhere Atop the Ivory Tower 2


“Two Hands”

(Descartes had sent out an inquiry, regarding a thought experiment he had about knowledge of the external world. Three philosophers have responded to him during office hours.)

Moore: Mr. Descartes, about your inquiry.

Descartes: The one about the two hands, no?

Moore: Yes, about that. I don’t see the problem. (Descartes glares at him, confused) Look, here’s my hand. And here’s my other hand. They’re apart from each other. This is all the proof I need for the external world to exist!

Descartes: Aye, but HOW do I know that the world exists?

Moore: Because I can see them? Duh.

Descartes: (rubs his temples out of frustration) Don’t bore me with such common claims, without any evidence as to why. Go join the trash below. (Exit Moore. Enter Berkeley.) Ah, old friend. Have you got an answer to my inquiry?

Berkeley: Why of course. See my hands? I know they’re here because I can see them. But once I fall asleep or lose consciousness, I no longer am aware that they exist.

Descartes: Yeah. I know.

Berkeley: So that means that in those moments where I am not aware of them, my two hands don’t exist!

Descartes: Wha– how did you… then how do you explain how your two hands happen to be there once you wake up?

Berkeley: Why that’s simple. Because God can still see them. That means I can be confident that my hands will still be there, even when I’m not conscious of them. After all, a higher being is always watching them.

Descartes: Uh huh… so what would happen if at some point God stops looking, even for a split second?

Berkeley: Look. You’re a man of faith too, right?

Descartes: Well, sure.

Berkeley: Then you would know that it would be impossible for God to stop His gaze upon everything at once. He is omnipotent, after all.

Descartes: Okay, but how do you know that? Wouldn’t saying that something is impossible for God mean that He is no longer omnipotent?

Berkeley: Well…

Descartes: So in the case that God stops looking at your hands, and no one else is around to notice them, how do you know that they’re still there?

Berkeley: Look, they’re not there unless they can be seen, okay? Geez, someone like you should know that God is above any of our concerns!

Descartes: Mr. Berkeley, with all due respect. I believe in God, and I believe that God is good, and above all, omnipotent. But to say that He is incapable of doing something, including something as simple as breaking His gaze on your hands is rather insulting to your vision of God.

Berkeley: You’re just a man of little faith then!

Descartes: . . . . If you’re not going to take this inquiry seriously, get out. (Exit Berkeley. Enter Lehrer) Now who are you?

Lehrer: Oh come on, you didn’t bother asking G E Moore who he is, but you have to ask of me?

Descartes: Who?

Lehrer: Eh, never mind. About those two hands… you see these? I don’t even know that they’re there.

Descartes: . . . Come again?

Lehrer: Yeah. How do I even know that they exist? I’ve never had proof that anything I see is in fact there. I don’t even know that you’re talking to me, or that we’re somehow atop some kind of tower.

Descartes: Are you serious?

Lehrer: Hell, how do I even know that I don’t know any of this? Maybe a demon put all these thoughts in my head, to trick me into navigating an illusion of a universe.

Descartes: But surely you have acted as if you knew that your two hands existed. Only crazy people think that their hands don’t exist even when they can clearly see them.

Lehrer: Yes, but maybe that’s what the demons want you to believe. Isn’t that right?

Descartes: Hmm… (Descartes scribbles a few notes on a piece of paper and hands it to Lehrer) here are the key points to my first and second meditations. Read them again, and study them well.

Lehrer: Okay, but–

Descartes: And if you’re really that committed to skepticism, go ahead and walk off the top ledge of this tower. There is a special place in Philosopher’s Hell, just for you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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Problems Posed by Descartes — The Cogito


Hello, my fellow readers!

This is the first official post to a weekly blog series I’m doing on philosophical editorials. I don’t have a title for the series yet, but once I do, each post will be tagged as such! In case you weren’t aware, I love philosophy, and I have a BA in the discipline. My friends might tell you that I went through the program like a grad student, to the extent that I had bounced around ideas with them for their compositions and theses. I guess…

To kick off this series, I have chosen to critique one of the most recognizable names in philosophy: Rene Descartes. Why him? Because if you’re ever planning to teach philosophy to your kids (which studies show is a smart choice), Descartes is about as basic as you can get for elementary school students to understand (which I admittedly just made up). And apparently, I took one of those online quiz things recently, revealing that I think most like Descartes, for some reason.

Today we will be discussing one of the most common topics that you will find in just about any Introduction to Philosophy course: Descartes’  Cogito. This argument can be found in the first 2 sections of his Meditations on First Philosophy, so if you want to follow along, click here.

DISCLAIMER: this is a blog post, and is therefore not meant for academic purposes. Things will be paraphrased or simply me talking out of my ass about ideas posed in philosophy that merely sound “smart.” Cite at your own risk.

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